Grass Widow

I've been very busy as usual since Wayne's been out of town again. Next week he goes to Winnipeg and won't be back until the 23rd. He's trying to get his shopping done on his trip. Sam's been up every night several times and it's been hard for me to manage, especially with the constant crying in the day because she's overtired and teething. AAAARRGH! I've been waiting all day for her to nap and it's not happening. She always chooses to finally go down at dinner time, which is the WORST time to do this, as she's supposed to have her supper and settle down for the night. Instead, for the past 3 weeks she keeps sleeping well after her bedtime, then waking 3 times before it's midnight, then waking 2 more times in the middle of the night and then sleeping in until 9:3o with me.....then she won't sleep all day long, crying and being overtired again and the whole thing starts again. It's getting me so freakin' exhausted. I'm not looking forward to Christmas, I don't know why. I finally have the tree up, I did it on my own. thought it was going to be harder than it was. I'm going to wait to decorate it with Wayne on Saturday. It's the only day he's home. I'm just not into the spirit this year, it's so hard for some reason. If anything I should be so excited, as it's Sam's first Christmas. Some days I'll have a burst of energy and along with that comes with some positive thoughts and I'll be motivated to be more productive that I had expected. Then it never fails when the next day I'm back to feeling like I just don't care about a single thing. I'm trying to start a fitness regime of some sort by getting on my treadmill each morning. I did this yesterday just for 15 min. after I read my best friend's blog. She's doing the same thing so I've joined her list of fitness friends and holding each other accountable. Today I haven't got on the treadmill yet because I've been non stop dealing with Sam but I'm planning to when or if she takes a nap. God help me!

'Tis the Season

Ok, ok it's been a while but hey....'tis the season' to be ever so busy! And Wayne's been to Calgary and for the next 2 weeks he'll be out of town too. SO needless to say it's been a challenge trying to get me and Sam out the door to finish our shopping for family out west - AND doing everything else on our own without a break, to boot. Not to complain mind you, it's just the way it is. Things could be much worse. It's the time of the year we think of the less fortunate and try to find ways to help by spreading the gift of love and kindness. One of my new years resolutions is to try and give that gift all year round and not just during the holidays. As one of my Food Bank brochures in the mail said "Hunger isn't seasonal". Food is such a big thing for me. I love food. I hate and always have hated wasting it. Nothing comes between me and my food if I can help it. When hunger strikes I get grumpy and light headed and to me it's the end of the world (what a drama queen - it's not THAT bad). I cannot imagine those who are REALLY hungry. Really truly hungry. I'm so sad - it's just wrong. Especially in this country. Anyway, I feel bad complaining so much - about how much laundry I have to do, for example. I can just thank God that I actually HAVE laundry, as some people don't have any. I thought of that last night after Sam threw up all over my bedding at 9pm and I was stuck with laundry until 1am. I stopped and thought about those who need to rely on the Salvation Army for clothing and ended up making the best I could of my situation. I've volunteered my time to the food bank. Today I had the chance to sort food but after being up all night with Sam it was hard to be there this morning. These things bother me but I just try for the next opportunity.

Anyway, I hope others can help themselves get through trying times like I have. Focusing on others and helping out can make you feel so much better and even cope differently....plus being agreat role model for your children! This is supposed to be a joyous time of year and instead people get so caught up in the hussle and bussle and forget the real meaning of Christmas.

Love Heidi

G'day Eh!

I love these days when I don't even get the least bit irritated about anything. AND it was a hectic day to start! Sam had me up at 4am....didn't go back to sleep until 6:30am...then I had to have us at the vet for 10. My cat's been sick on and off for over 2 weeks now so I've been juggling him also. After that appointment I decided it was time for a BOLD Starbucks coffee - VENTI ! And all was peachy with myself....
I felt so great after that, I decided to do the rest of my Christmas shopping. I am trying to get all my gifts sent out West early...then I'll only have Wayne and Sam to take care of. Poor Wayne, he's so sick with a nasty cold right now and he has to travel on business for the next 3 weeks (being home on the weekends) so he's going to try his shopping in between. It's going to be hectic, but he does the shopping for his side. I can help too. I'm getting excited and in the spirit now. I was having such a hormonal time I wasn't looking forward to this Christmas at all - and it's Sam's first Xmas! We're puting the tree up this weekend. Hopefully I can get a picture of Sam on Santa's lap tomorrow at the mall too. I've written up my cards a long time ago so I can send the pictures inside. Sam just starting crawling officially last night. She trucks along the floor at full speed. She also loves her arrowroot cookies and has mastered eating cheerios. What's next? I'm not sure at this point but will have to dig out some baby books for reference again. Well Sam's ready for bed, I must go. I can't wait to have a nice cup of decaf and watch the news. Nighty night....

Sam's Age Tracker

Jammy Party

Sam had her first jammy party over the weekend. Her cousins Cassidy and Virginia were our guests. We ate popcorn, watched videos and baked a chocolate cake!

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

The week's almost over and daddy will be home tomorrow night. We've got up to 10cm of snow overnight and expecting more by the end of the day. Sam and I have had our ups and downs this week and I've tried to accept each day as it is. I try not to worry about everything being perfect and just let it go (within reason...lol) which helps immensely. The BIGGEST thing that really gets to me is helping her get to sleep when she's so tired, but she fights and fights it and turns into a huge crank, kicking and throwing fits. I can't carry her around any longer so I put her into her crib and she sits up all upset and looks like she's not going to sleep. Then I pick her up again and 5 minutes later she's rubbing her eyes and whining and whining and it all just GRATES under my skin. I cannot wait all day long for her to decide to finally give in and take a nap. This happened two days ago and I finally just had to bundle her up and take her out, as I had errands to run. Needless to say she didn't get a proper sleep, as I'd take her out of the car into the cold blowing air and she'd scream from her rude awakening. That night she fell asleep at 8:30pm and didn't wake up until 7am. I got a couple of things done and had a great sleep and woke up to an awesome day....ALL day. Last night she went to bed at 7:30pm, woke up at 1am so I brought her to bed with me, then she awoke at 5:30am. Now I've been up since and she's been doing nothing but crying, wanting to sleep but she WON'T. It drives me completely insane. This is the cause of my horrid day....lack of sleep and constant anxiety and frustration. How can anyone get anything done with this.

Anyway, thanks for reading this boring entry. As we speak she's still in her crib throwing a fit and I'm trying to ignore it. If I pick her up it will turn into one big cycle again. Before I know it, it will be noon and she'll finally sleep. Or not.

Heidi

Struggles with Depression

It's Monday and Wayne's gone to Montreal for the week. The skiff of snow we got last week is gone and it's above zero. Sam is more mobile everyday and yesterday I even caught her standing in her crib on her own! I've been having a hard time coping lately but everyday seems to be different - the ups and downs of post partum depression is very challenging. I cannot wait for this hormone imbalance to pass. It's nice to know I'm not alone when I think of people like Brooke Shields (although I haven't experienced it NEAR the severity as she did). Kudos to her for being as brave as to go at it a second time around. She's due in the spring. I've always been back and forth on having a second one and almost convinced Wayne too, but neither of us are happy about possibly going through this again. Good thing Sam's a really good baby because things could be much worse. This positive thinking comes from a good day I'm having today. Yesterday I wouldn't have been as realistic. I'm full of rage and anger, then the next day I'm completely 'normal'. I never know when it hits, I just have to take it day by day. I don't cope with change well at the best of times....add the crazy hormones and you've got a really bad mix for mental anguish. I value my sanity and struggle to manage it properly. I love my precious daughter dearly and strive to be the best mother I can be, but the guilt sets in when I'm spiralling and cannot crack a smile back at her or comfort her genuinely when she's suffering. I feel numb at times and think to myself 'what kind of mother is THAT!' I want to give my husband credit for 'puting up with' this and for his patience, as I don't think I could be as tolerant as he if we traded places. He works so hard and then comes home to all of this. This is supposed to be the best time of our lives and she's growing up so fast I want to enjoy it while I can. I know this is not forever. I just have to pray about it and have faith it will get better. Perhaps I should buy a the book "Down Came the Rain" written by Brooke Sheilds. Courtney Cox also went through it but not right away. When Coco was 6 months old it hit her. Mine hit me at the beginning but now I'm feeling more of it. It's different with everyone. I just have to try and keep focused and be more receptive to help around me.
Thanks for a good day....

Love Heidi

Winter Wonderland

We didn't get much snow but winter's here now....has to be accepted I guess. Sam will enjoy it next year when she can get out and play. Perhaps that will change my opinion on winter. A skate on the canal with hot chocolate and beaver tails...or a sleigh ride on the bike trails behind our house. Snow men in the front yard, toboggan adventures, snowball fights....maybe she'll want to take up skiing. I'm such a hermit and cannot give into this mess when I now have a little curious and playful one.
I stopped feeding her dairy, as the doctor said to start it when she's a year old. At that same appointment she got her flu shot booster, now we're all set for the season. She finds the cold air takes her breath away so I'll have to bundle her face when I dress her. Daddy's off to Montreal tomorrow, we sure do miss him when he's away. Nighty night...

9 Months

All she wants for Christmas...


...and some daddy time while I take a BREAK!

Teeth and More Food

Sam's top two front teeth busted through a couple of days ago, I can't wait to see them when she smiles. Now I can hear her crunch down on Cheerios, it's so cute. I've also introduced homo milk, cottage cheese, avocado, toast and plain yogurt...she loves it all. She's still very busy trying to crawl but more interested in playing with everything around her. She tries desperately to pull herself up on furniture but doesn't have the strength yet. We went to playgroup last week and she loved to see her friends again. Will post a picture of her official 9 month mark on Tuesday. We'll go to another aquatots class in the morning too, can't wait!

TGIF

Pardon my little episode yesterday .... must have been the hormone monster. Wayne will double check what I did with the car seat.

We had a visit from Granny this morning, it was so good to see her. Daddy's home today so that's nice too. We're just maxin' and relaxin' so here's our pic of the day.

Heidi and Sammi

For the Birds

This stupid car seat business is really pissing me off. We bought a new car seat for Sam and for the past week and half I've been fighting to install this stupid thing properly. I've done everything the book says. I've had it, it's such a pain in the ass. Hope your day is better than mine.

-Heidi with post partum 'aggression'

Trick or Treat

Sam had her first Halloween. We went to Auntie Ilona and Uncle Norman's to trick or treat with her two cousins Virginia and Cassidy. By a couple of streets she hit the jackpot....guess who gets to eat it all! But she loved shaking the Smarties boxes and chewing her treat bag....fun enough for her.

Sick Days

Sorry for the delayed updates....I've been sick with a nasty cold since Tuesday. I knew the itchy chest was the beginning of something. Yesterday I felt a bit better but today I feel as badly as I did Wednesday. Hope I'm better for Halloween, Sam's going to be a frog and I don't want to miss it.

Sam sure has been progressing in her physical activities lately. She's found she can pull herself up on the couch (hasn't done it fully yet) and she gets so proud of herself she giggles constantly. I've also been teaching her to eat Cheerios and it's sort of hit and miss but she's managed one or two into her drooly mouth. Then she got one stuck on the tip of her finger...so she pointed it to me, offering a bite and so I chomp chomp chomped it. Well did she ever think that was a hoot. She laughed and giggled and picked up another one. Chomp I went and she laughed again, it was so hysterical! I'm trying so hard not to give this cold to her. I haven't let her touch my face and I wash my hands diligently. I only kiss her head even if it's so tempting to smooch her all over !! HEE HEE!
Another thing she does is almost get on her knees, rocking back and forth. She'll be crawling soon I'm sure. Until then she lays on her tummy and moves around in a circle to grab at things. Or if sitting up she reaches as far as she can in one spot.

Daddy's coming home tonight from Winnipeg, we both miss him very much. Will write again soon. Thank you for dropping the milk off outside my door Tracy...you're a gem! LOL!

Teething

Poor Sam. These past few days have been really hard on her especially yesterday and today. It's been a constant crank, fuss and cry all day long, which is way out of her character......and I'm not used to it either so it's driving me a bit insane. At least I know it's most likely her top teeth coming in....she's quite a drool machine. Last night I went to bed feeling under the weather and woke up with a really itchy chest, a slight cough and really tired. No matter what I do, she doesn't want to feed when I think she does, or nap when I think she's telling me so. and she won't sleep withought breast feeding so it's all a catch 22 and I've spent all morning trying to get her to nap and all I want to do is get out of my jammies and on with my day. She now has a really bad diaper rash and I've barely seen one since she was born. I just gave her Tylenol in hopes she'll settle down. She's now feeding and hopefully going to sleep.

Yesterday we bought a new car seat for her. I spent all last night reading the entire owners manual....Wayne is on a business trip in Winnipeg. Because my car is older, I have to go to the dealership to have a tether anchor installed. So I'll get that done and out of the way. The snow is going to fly soon and I have so much winterizing to do with her, the car and the house. I've been slowly buying warmer clothing for her. Hopefully we're prepared...it's hard with the fall - winter transition.
Anyway, here's a picture to smile about.....

Mirror, Mirror...

Last night Sam was fascinated by the person staring back at her from her play center. Not sure if she knew it was her little self, but she couldn't get close enough to find out. She must have sat there for a good 10 minutes. I wonder how she could see past all that drool!


She's also pulling herself up in her crib. She's almost figured out how to get onto her knees from a tummy position....for now it looks like push-ups. When in a sitting position she tries to crawl onto us. I cannot get her to sit still most of the time, she's so wiggly and determined to go-go-go! She'll be turning 8 months old in a couple of days. This time has gone by just way too fast!

Indian Summer

Wow what a beautiful start to the week! It's the first week in October and we're expected to reach the high 20's from today until Wednesday....welcoming the humidity back at 32 degrees! I've taken advantage of this Indian Summer and took a long walk with Sam and Auntie Tracy. She just moved down the street, 3 blocks away over the weekend and we're so excited to welcome them as our new neighbours!!!! Trace and I always wished we lived closer and our prayers have been answered. Now we can come and go as we please...yay!
Sam and I are really missing Granny these days. She left for Vegas a week ago and are expecting her back very soon. We hope she had a wonderful time, as I'm sure she did. Well it's too nice to sit inside so we're off to enjoy the day!

Another Lazy Sunday

Love rainy lazy Sundays! It's been cool these last couple of days....highs of 15 and lows of 6. This morning I brought Sam to bed with us at 7 and she babbled away, grabbing my nose and face while we drifted to sleep on and off until 9. I put Sam in her car seat and left for Starbucks and Wayne drove to Tim Hortons. I LOVE MY COFFEE!!! Came home and fed Sam soy cereal with pears....she loves her cereal. I've also been giving her the odd small amount of apple juice but her stool was a bit runny yesterday so I'll stop for now. She's also trying her hardest to crawl. When sitting up she reaches as far forward as she can for her toys and rocks back and forth. I've tried to prop her onto her arms and knees but she collapses. I guess it will happen soon, which has made me often think about baby proofing the house! Daddy is teaching in Winnipeg this week, his plane leaves this afternoon. Granny is leaving for Las Vegas on Wednesday, we hope she has a great time! Sam and I have Max The Cat, so we'll be ok.....(smile)

7 Months Old

Today Sam is 7 months old. Where has the time gone - it's so scary! We're heading off to Granny's for dinner. Great Auntie Carol is in town from Vancouver. First mommy wants to stop at Old Navy and check out the big sales going on. Gotta stock up Sam's winter wardrobe. Oh and can't forget the Halloween costumes to choose from! I've already had a few in mind. Maybe a frog or perhaps a pig, but a fairy would be cuter! Wayne and I thought of a ghost last night...that would be hysterical! Now that Sam's asleep I must take the time to eat and get us ready if we're going to beat the traffic. Cooler weather today - 22 degrees and cloudy. Nicer than 36 and humid! TTFN xoxo Heidi

Baby Whispers

Sam wakes up at 6am everyday and I bring her back to bed with me to feed. I can snooze while she eats and everyone's happy.....until she's done....then I hear her softly whisper her babble - it's so adorable.....until I feel soft tiny (and sometimes soggy) fingers grabbing my nose....then my hair....and she YANKS me completely awake! I see her wide round eyes staring back at me and a cute smile, so proud of her little self. I smile back and make 'goo' noises while I pry her tight fingers from most of the strand she pulled from my head. I'm still so tired and want to 'snooze' some more and effortlessly my eyes close and I drift off.....until the same thing happens again and again and her baby whispers become louder and louder. Now she's really noisy and happy and saying 'ba ba bop bop bop'. And suddenly I think I hear her say 'da da' (by this time Wayne had just kissed us goodbye and left for work). I repeated 'da da' back to her and she went back to 'ba ba bop' ..... then 'da da'..... then 'ba ba'...I don't know if she meant to say 'daddy' or if that's just a new consonant in her baby talk. We'll see what happens in the day.

We're going to playgroup for 1pm. We've been going on Thursdays groups and all the girls from my area set up a group of our own to meet in this neck of the woods. Last week we went for a stroller walk. Today we're going to a house just down and around the corner from us. This gets us out and meeting new people and they're all Sam's age. I might drive my car because it's supposed to go to 36 degrees today and I don't want Sam to suffer in this heat....she doesn't like the stuffy humid air at all. It's mid September....this weather's crazy! But we're lucky it's not snow. I'd take anything but snow. What a place to live....dreading each season because it's either 40 above or 40 below. One of the main reasons I want to move back to BC! Get this though....a small part of southern Alberta got 45cm of heavy wet snow yesterday! EESH!! I guess now-a-days with global warming you never know when or where anything could happen. Apparently we're supposed to be warm until November, but who knows where that came from. I heard it from someone at the gas station yesterday.

Now that I'm on a roll here and while Sam is still snoozing, I can't help but mention the news I heard last night about our other 'Great One', Mark Messier. He announced his retirement yesterday, formally ending his career and cementing his legacy into the hockey Hall of Fame. In the conference call he stated, "There was nothing left for me to really achieve."

Like many proud Oiler fans, my best friend Tracy and I were hoping he'd come back to Edmonton for one more season to make his grand exit. He was quite flattered when Edmonton's general manager Kevin Lowe, Messier’s longtime Oiler teammate, tried to convince him to return. “I don’t know that I ever really considered it. I was definitely open to listening to his offers but I knew in my heart that if I was going to play it was going to be in New York.”

Here's something I didn't know (and one of the reasons he was ready to leave). He's looking forward to spending time with his young family. He has an 18-year-old son playing hockey in Texas and a 2-year-old child and a 3-week-old baby at home. OH MY GOSH Tray, did you know that!??? All our best to ya MOOSE, we'll miss you!!!!! (But not as much as I miss Gretz....)

xoxo -Heidi

Baby Blurbbing

This morning we're finally up early...she slept 9 hours last night! She's babbling away in her crib as I type. Baby babble is the cutest and can she ever get on a roll. Wow I just turned around and she's rolled onto her back! That's a first!! Perhaps that's what she's been trying to tell me, "look mom! Look what I can do! MOMMY GET OFF THE 'PUTER and LOOK!"
I also have to mention that she has this terrible habit of grabbing her 'privates' after I remove her diaper. This is especially upsetting for mommy when she's had explosive poohs! Oh the things I'll talk about now hey? Please God don't let my life be reduced to this!

Lazy Sunday

Had another late start to the day. Not that I mind, I guess I've needed the sleep and thank God Sam just 'goes with it'. It's Grandma Higginson's birthday next week and we've got to get out and buy a gift! Great Grandma and Grandpa Griggs are coming to see us this Wednesday...we're looking forward to that. Grandpa is 91 next week! Daddy's almost finished making Sam's toy box. He's been in the garage every chance he can get. It's going to be beautiful when it's done. Sam's reaching for the keyboard, guess she has something to say....
fegafrvvnvsvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv z nc fx cdv
ok that's enough before she wipes this computer out! Adios for now...xoxo Heidi and Sam

Picture Perfect

We just came home from Sears portrait studio. We had such a great time, this was Sam's first portrait sitting. She was fabulous and the pictures turned out great. Wayne and I even got to jump in for a shot of us all together. I love the backgrounds we chose. There were 3 different packages to choose from and we chose and in-between price, not too much and not too cheap. I got 2 poses of her in a sepia tone...the vintage brown color....I can't wait to get these photos back! We even chose a frame for a 16X20 pose. I know it's ridiculously large but it would look great on a large white wall and I know exactly where it will go. Sam's now fast asleep, as she worked hard at this new modelling job...ha ha. Perfect time to make dinner too - we're starved! xoxo Heidi

New Behavior

This was her new thing 2 weeks ago. I haven't seen her do it lately, maybe it was just a weird-o phase.

What a night!

I thought I'd get this day started early this morning like yesterday but Sam decided to wake up at 1:30am....a part of the night I haven't seen in ages. She was on her tummy, sideways in her crib and uncovered so she was cold...and in a wet diaper. I changed and fed her so she didn't sleep until an hour later. Got up at 6am for a feed and brought her to bed with me as usual....I felt like I was hit by a Mac truck and didn't wake up until 10 but she was cranking on and off until then. SO it's almost noon and I'm still on my first cup of coffee and now on my second diaper change in the past half hour.

I'm planning to get out of here today asap to buy a coffee table....going without a shower, I don't mind....not the first time when you're a new mom! Gotta run, Sam needs some food and I need to get out of these jammies of mine! xoxo Heidi